I've Got Thoughts

A Conversation With Todd

2011-10-18T22:17:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged in ages, but this was quite long to explain in 140 characters or less.

So basically, I posted this Youtube vide of a song that I heard on Pandora that I really liked:

I told my brother to check it out. He did, and the following paraphrased conversation took place:

Me:         Did you check it out?

Todd:      Yes. I have the Edward Sharpe CD if you want.

Me:         What are some other good songs by him I can check out?

Todd:       None.

Me:          I'll take 3.

The Accidental Troist

2010-05-11T21:28:00.003-04:00

Recently, while I was on one of my allergy medicine benders, I was thinking about how much I hate pollen, particularly tree pollen. Tree pollen is the source of my itchy watery eyes and constant sneezing, and so I often run into these thoughts. A creepy new thought entered the usual train of thoughts that accompany these this last time. Perhaps it was because I didn't wait a full 24 hours to take another allergy pill, who knows?

The thought is this...we're being used as part of the trees' mating ritual. The trees and flowers rely on us moving beings to transfer their pollen to complete their reproduction process. We're basically walking around carrying the equivalent of tree sperm...in our eyes, nose and mouth! We're part of some sick floral menage a trois. No wonder my eyes are tearing all the time...they're tears of shame.

My Email Broke Up With Me Via Email

2010-05-09T20:40:00.003-04:00

I sent an email through yahoo that was to an address that no longer existed. The "MAILER-DAEMON" at yahoo sent me the following message:

"I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out."

After reading that, I wasn't sure if my email was willing to deliver messages for me ever again. I wonder if this line would work to get out of other relationships. Er, um, yeahhh....listen honey, this is just a permanent error; I've given up, sorry it didn't work out.

How well would that fly?

Unpaid Internships (cont'd)

2010-04-03T12:18:00.006-04:00

I don't mean to brag, but my comments about unpaid internships in the past apparently have been verified. In fact as this recent NY Times article demonstrates, they may very well be illegal, not to mention the fact that they favor the already well-to-do.

Read Here

A Couple of Stupidities

2010-03-31T22:51:00.002-04:00

I left my family's seder to head back home to NYC at around 9:25pm last night. I was going for a 9:40pm train at the local train station keeping in mind to mind the gap. The ride normally takes about 5-6 minutes and so we had plenty of time to spare. My father turned on 1010 Wins or perhaps it was WCBS 880 (the two local AM news stations). A woman came on the radio and summarized the weather and mentioned we had a flash flood warning until 9:30pm. I looked at the clock and it said 9:29. I mentioned this to my father. 15 seconds later, a beep went off and the woman mentioned the news time was 9:30pm. My father and I breathed a sigh of relief. We survived the floods.

My mother, as she usually does, sent me home with a bunch of goodies after our meal. One such goody was a box of chocolate covered matzoh. I looked at the back label tonight to see what a serving size was. It stated that a serving size was one half a board. It gave an estimated servings per box of 7. Now this in itself is weird because I was wondering who would pack a box with 3.5 matzoh boards. I opened the box. Two boards.

So you want to be a curler...

2010-02-27T19:42:00.002-05:00

How many of you have watched curling on the Olympics and said crap...I can do that. It's shuffleboard on ice. When I was younger, I kicked some senior citizen ass on the local community park and on my vacations to Florida when playing shuffleboard. Who knew I was halfway toward becoming an Olympian. I have some funky looking pajama pants and a track jacket that I could wear. I'm sure I could pick up a broom at the local Duane Reade.

So many of you are thinking, I'm in the same boat, let's be USA curling 2014 gold medal winners. Now we just need to practice. How hard could that be in NYC? We have everything, right??? Well apparently the only place one can go curling in the entire New York metropolitan area is in Ardsley, New York in Westchester County. The five boroughs of Manhattan, all of Long Island, do not have any curling facilities.

How the hell does one become a curler then?

Back to the drawing board for my Olympic sport. Suggestions welcome.

Line Items

2010-01-23T11:43:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday I got to work and my drawer, containing my laptop was locked, no matter which way I turned the key. I apparently have issues with locks (go back to the beginning of the blog). 30 minutes later, my drawer pried open and repaired, my computer froze and had to be restarted. All in all, it took me 45 minutes to sign online.

4 hours of 24 in two days is a bit much. Having recorded them, I feel somewhat stressed to finish watching them before the next week. Can't they just start the show two weeks earlier or something?

My brother called me the other day, talked to me for 30 seconds, and then told me he was with people and had to go. I wonder if he thought I called him?

Why is it that despite the fact that gas and oil prices have gone down that airline prices remain sky high and new baggage fees are being added? Warren Buffet once said, when asked how to become a millionaire... Be a billionaire and then buy an airline.

I mailed a Netflix movie back on Monday, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a federal holiday. There is no mail on federal holidays. Netflix received the movie Tuesday. Perhaps there's just no delivery? Well either that, or I found some kind of magical mailbox.

Dumpty

2010-01-02T12:02:00.003-05:00

'Twas a Saturday night
My delivery food just came
I selected pause
On my video game

I realized I should check the mail
A simple task,
Who knew I'd fail?

I ran out the door
Caught the first, second, third and fourth stair
And then slow motion
I was flying through the air

I landed with a thud on my right side
I got up yelled, "F#@! that hurt!"
No one checked if I was alright

I continued down, getting the letters
Ran back up upstairs, adrenalin now
I thought I felt better

I did some push-ups, crunches then applied some ice
Unfortunately it was freezing
It didn't feel nice

Then I noticed my hand was all red
The bricks must've scraped my finger
The skin was gone, all dead.

The following day a bruise the size of a fist
Was on my right thigh
It was disgusting, I was pissed

A few hours later I discovered another
A bruise on my back
Up to this present, I've been covered
In blue and black

I can't sleep on my right
I can only go left
At staying still like that
I'm not adept

Today a ray of sun
The bruises are lightening
Who knew going downstairs
Could be so frightening?

Airplane Juice

2009-12-20T22:34:00.003-05:00

There's just something about airplanes. Airplanes seem to bring out the crazy in many people. My favorite example is the drink cart. The drink cart will come by, and the person next to you will be asked what they want to drink. "I'll have the tomato juice" they reply. Tomato juice...seriously??? It's just cold tomato soup. Half the time it's Campbells that makes it. There is no way that anybody drinks tomato soup at home. (My grandfather used to order this on planes, and I have never seen him drink this at any other point in his life.) Then the next person will ask for cranberry juice, another will be upset when they don't have cran-apple-pome-rine juice. I think I even heard someone ask for carrot juice.

I think this airplane adventurousness comes from the fact that you are just tuck with one glass when you order this drink. In the food store, when you pick out a bottle of this stuff it'll sit in your fridge like the "pink stuff" and "purple stuff" from those Sunny D commercials for months on end. Perhaps your significant other will yell at you for wasting money on something no one drinks. Perhaps ordering this on the plane is a way to stick it to the man and order this bizarre thing that no one really likes.

Alas, I must confess something. I tend to order Ginger Ale on planes. I never drink Ginger Ale at any other time. Why do I order it? I have convinced myself it will settle my stomach and prevent nausea on the flight. Maybe the guy with the carrot juice has convinced himself that he can see the sights from the plane better.

First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Last Sucks Too

2009-12-07T21:26:00.004-05:00

Perhaps this happens at your office. There are cookies, candy or pieces of cake out by someone's desk for all to take for their munching enjoyment. Everyone looks over and sees the display and flashes a grin. They now have an excuse to eat unhealthy and have something better than their fat free soy chips. After all, it would be rude to not take any after that person specifically brought them in for all his/her coworkers to enjoy.

Buuuuuut not quite yet. Someone needs to open the container that they are in. Opening the container will cause a loud pop, crunch or other noise that will surely alert anyone in the vicinity that you are gorging on some fatty goodness. So they sit there for hours just awaiting someone to be the first. Ninja-like, when enough people seem to be away from their desks going to the bathroom or getting coffee, the first person strikes.

Now they are open, and it's a free-for-all. It's easy to walk by, grab one quickly and have no one notice. You can even do the infamous get up to have a conversation with someone that sits near the treats as an excuse to be by them and slyly swipe one (or dare I say two).

Throughout the day or days they continue to grow fewer in number. Finally there is one cookie left. One cookie! It is there for hours, nobody wanting to finish off the treat. Finally someone comes along and takes it...or did they? No, they took just half! They couldn't bear to be the one that finishes off the box. What would everyone think? So for another day this half cookie sits in the container, growing stale, and finally the person that brought them in just throws them out. Ooh look, someone brought in brownies today! The cookies become forgotten.

My Two Favorite Youtubes from 2009

2009-12-04T17:51:00.008-05:00

Since we are at the close of the year, I thought I'd share the two Youtube videos that made me laugh the most this year (they may have been published earlier, but I only discovered them this year).

Waking Up Twice Is Never Easy

2009-12-01T21:27:00.002-05:00

There's night people and there's annoying people (a.k.a "morning people). I am part of the former grouping. I tend not to be able to fall asleep until late at night and thus my body and brain want to sleep until later in the day. Therefore the alarm is a serious enemy of mine each morning. It forces me to awaken way earlier than nature intended. After the alarm goes off, it takes me 5-10 minutes just to get out of bed, and probably another 10-15 minutes for my brain to start functioning. If my fiance tells me to do something during that initial period, chances are I will forget.

Here's the routine. I normally wake up at 7 a.m., go through my awakening phase described above, and then proceed to shave, shower, iron, get dressed, pack lunch, and eat breakfast before leaving the apartment around 8:15-8:20 (yes, that's a long time...like I said I am really slow to awaken). I take a subway to the Port Authority Bus Terminal and usually catch my bus to New Jersey at 8:50, which gets me into work by 9:05.

This morning, my bus arrived a couple minutes late, and then we proceeded to sit in tons of traffic. I did not get into the office until almost 9:30 a.m. Somewhere between 9:05 and 9:10, after reading some email on my blackberry, I lost time. The next thing I knew, I heard the stop button ding on the bus and felt the bus braking to a stop in front of my place of work. I didn't have my 5-10 minutes to get out of my seat before exiting thus bus. I shot out of the bus, and somehow I ended up at my desk starting up my laptop and hanging up my coat. I don't remember much about 9:30 a.m. to 10 a.m. this morning, other than I did not enjoy myself. Waking up twice sucks! Note to self: if falling asleep on a commute, ave it for the way home, at least then I can lay down and not have to focus on anythign when I get home.

Meeting of the Minds

2009-11-24T21:42:00.001-05:00

Men's and women's minds operate on completely different levels. Going through a day we have two completely different experiences. I think men have a general overview of their day while women can segment they day down to specific periods and details. For example, when my mother used to come home from work every day, she would get upset if my dad did not ask how her day was. Why he did not ask was probably because it would lead to a very detailed description including some things that we could not possibly understand (hospital jargon). We wouldn’t have had time for my belching, my brother’s farting followed by laughter on my part and then my dad yelling, and some more of my dad’s terrible jokes.

Another example. Several years back, my girlfriend came over and met my roommate’s girlfriend. Later on she asked me where she worked and other details. I realized that despite the fact that I had been living with my roommate for 6 months, I had no clue. Literally, the only thing I knew was her name and how they met. I never thought to ask for any further details. Similarly when she asked me when my friend who got engaged was getting married…I realized I never asked for the date, and to be honest, I don’t think I would think to in the future.

Guys have mastered how to describe their day into as little words and syllables as possible. Sometimes a simple "ehh" will suffice, or if we’re in a very talkative mood we might say "it was good." If we’re very foolish, we might occasionally ask how your day was…but don’t expect that question right before 24 starts.

Funny Memories

2009-11-22T10:57:00.007-05:00

I apologize for the long period of time between entries. I lost my grandfather this past Monday, which was completely unexpected. He had a clean bill of health and hadn't even hit 80 yet (he was 79). It just goes to show you that you should always make sure you say what you need to say to people sooner rather than later. In honor of my grandfather, I'd like to share a couple of brief humorous stories from his life.

My grandfather spent a brief period of time in the National Guard in his youth. It's for this reason that until the day he died he could not stand ham (he claimed they had ham with every meal). Besides eating ham, he once was assigned to be in the lead truck of a convoy. If you've never seen a convoy on a road, just imagine what seems like endless amounts of military vehicles right behind each other. My grandfather did not have the best sense of directions, and as it turned out, neither did the man in the truck with him. The entire convoy got lost! I wonder what the 3-point turn must have looked like.

My grandfather was once an executive at Sears and worked in the Sears Tower in Chicago. When you got your office there, they gave you a catalog of artwork to choose from to hang up. My grandfather had as much sense about art, as his colorblind grandson (me) now does. He randomly flipped through and picked a painting. Apparently he picked one of the best options out there. He told me that everyone that came into his office used to compliment him on his taste in art. Who knew?

Checkers was something that my grandfather was naturally gifted at. From the time I was old enough to play and until I was about 10 or 11 years old he never lost to me. In fact, he never lost to anyone. I think he was like the Deep Blue of checkers. One day, when I was 10 or 11, I found that by some miracle I had won. My initial reaction was "how?" Weeks later, my grandfather would tell me, it was at that moment he knew he had to go to the eye doctor to get his cataracts taken care of. I never beat him at checkers again.

Anyone that met my grandfather took a liking to him. It was amazing to see the turnout at his funeral and Shiva. He will be missed.

A Juicy Bit

2009-11-12T23:47:00.002-05:00

The wonderful thing about the fall, besides all the pumpkin flavored everything (ice cream, pie, bread, coffee, etc.), is that every type of apple is available. If you can’t find the rarer types at a food store you can certainly find all the varieties at a farm stand or farmers’ market. It was such a large market in Westchester that my fiancé bought purchased a honeycrisp apple.

The honeycrisp left Stew Leonard’s, traveled briefly on the New York Thruway, then went onto various other highways and eventually ended up on the Henry Hudson Parkway traveling to Manhattan’s Upper West Side. The apple then traveled up a flight of stairs into an Upper West Side apartment refrigerator.

This morning, right before I left for work I grabbed my sandwich, a banana and some chips and put them into my bag. As I was about to leave, I thought about bringing an apple. I reached down into the bin in the fridge, and grabbed what appeared to be an enormous honeycrisp apple.

4:45pm
I leave a meeting with a co-worker and decide a snack is in order as I have my guitar lesson straight after work on Thursdays. I proceed to lay out a piece of paper towel and grab the apple. About halfway through the apple I notice that the paper towel beneath me is completely soaked…I mean soaked as in someone poured a pitcher of water on it. I have juice dripping down my hand. I take a napkin and wipe my hand. One bite later I am drenched again. I figure, I might as well just finish the apple and then deal with my hands so as not to waste anymore napkins. I lift the apple up to my mouth and as I bite I feel dripping down my hand, down my wrist almost all the way to my elbow beneath my shirt. To finish the apple, I lowered my head so as to not have to raise my arm up.

4:55pm
A sticky mess. I run to the bathroom and proceed to wet my hands and wash them. Then I roll up my sleeve on the left forearm and wet it (forearm). I rub some of the hand soap on and put my forearm beneath the sink. We have one of those sensor sinks at work and with my forearm underneath instead of my hands, the sink does not turn on.

4:56:30pm
I decide that I must put my right hand in front of the sensor while maneuvering my forearm awkwardly to be under the faucet. The plan sort of works and most of the soap comes off (some may still be on me).

5:01pm
I decide that jumbo honeycrisp apples may not be the way to go on future snacks.

5:02pm
I put my arm down on the sticky part of my desk that was beneath the paper towel.

5:03pm
I clean off my desk and smirk

5:14pm
I realize this might be a suitable blog entry.

The Autistic Bird

2009-11-09T21:25:00.003-05:00

Well this story comes to you from my freshman year of college, way back in 1999. Yes, it is a tale from last century. I had just come out of some fine dining for lunch with some of the people from my floor. I was walking back to my dorm babbling away about something stupid I am sure, when as I was about to put my foot down, I noticed there was a bird that well, wasn’t flying away. So I hopped over it, narrowly avoiding a large mess on my shoes. The two girls I was with and I looked down at the bird who was staring off into to space not moving.

Now this also happened to be parents weekend, and my folks were due any minute. Sure enough they pulled up moments later to see a bunch of us staring at this bird. Somehow, being the jackass I was, I pretended to care about this bird and agreed to go with one of them to bring it up to the animal hospital at my school with our new found "ride" (my parents).

One of the girls went back to her room, put on a pair of gloves and lifted the bird into a shoe box. The other girl came with my parents and I into the car and up to the hospital. The whole time the bird was not moving, not flying at all (which is a good thing since we probably would have crashed the car if it started flying around in there). We got to the hospital, took the shoe box out of the car, and as we were walking to the entrance…of course the bird decided to fly away. An hour of my life gone…over a stupid bird!

Vending Machines

2009-11-06T22:36:00.002-05:00

Does anyone remember the days when you could buy something from a vending machine with the change in your pocket. Soda cans were 50 or 60 cents, M&M's were 50-75 cents, gum was 25-50 cents. Now, a pack of M&M's (single serving size, not even king size) goes for $1.00, and snack cakes go for $1.25. Cans of soda go for at least a dollar and soda bottles are $2 or $2.50. Heaven forbid something be a new aged snack such as a soy chip, because that means a bag of 8 chips will be $1.50. Gone are the days of the impulse pocket change buy when you pass by a vending machine at work, school or a highway rest stop. When you start inserting bills into machines, the expense feels very more real. Now I just put forth the extra effort to go to a cafeteria and buy the snack or drink there and save the extra 20 or 30 cents, or better yet, buy them at a food store and bring them in to save even more. At least then I have more of a choice, and I also save a lot more change that I can cash in at a bank.

Monday Morning Blogging 11/2/09

2009-11-02T21:15:00.005-05:00

This past weekend I was feeling very productive. My fiance went out shopping and taking care of errands which allowed me the afternoon to myself to keep myself busy. Since I was all motivated, I went to the gym for a stellar two hour workout. I decided that since I worked my ass off I would go relax in the steam room and take a shower after. As I was about to open the steam room, I was surprised to see...well just see. There was no steam, the lights were bright, and no one was in it. Then I noticed a sign. "THE STEAM ROOM IS CLOSED DUE TO INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR." I immediately jumped back several feet, completed skeeved out, and ran into the shower. When I had time to settle down and get dressed, I thought how sad it was. These guys are so deep in the closet, they have to desecrate my gym's steam room. Needless to say, I do not think I will be going in for any more steams...I don't mind not getting a happy ending at the end of my workout.

I went back to the gym for some cardio on Sunday. On my way, I noticed someone was watering the sidewalk. It rained all night long. The surrounding sidewalks were all clean. It was the equivalent of the automatic sprinklers that go on despite the fact that it may have rained several days in a row. What a waste of water.

After my workouts I enjoy Muscle Milk. It's a protein powder low in fat, and if you get the lean version, low in calories. It tastes pretty good, almost like you do not know you are drinking a protein shake. I am not sure how they do it. Too bad my blog isn't popular enough for me to get a sponsorship. I guess I can sponsor it:

Allergies

2009-10-28T20:19:00.002-04:00

Did anyone wonder what the grand plan was for allergies? Earth is made, earth has pollen, ragweed, molds, spores, etc. Humans come into being. Half the humans are allergic to these things, causing histamines to go crazy making their eyes itchy and watery, noses sneeze uncontrollably, itching in throats, an are which cannot be scratched.

Now what is the point of all these? For three months a year some people have to be in agony as they are allergic to the earth. It's not like you can really escape it unless you’re in a desert or you take one of thos inaugural flights to the moon with Richard Branson. I’ve racked my brain trying to come up with the rationale of it. If you’re a creationist then there is only one response you can have…nice work buddy. From an evolutionary standpoint, when will being able to survive depend on who has allergies and who does not. Is there a war due in a highly pollenous region of the world?

Clearly the most logical answer after considering this, is that humans came here via spaceship. Makes sense really. Douglas Adams, your books had it right.

Cattle and Leaky Faucets

2009-10-25T21:32:00.002-04:00

So you are reading the title and wondering...this is what I had to wait a week for. First of all, I apologize, I have been lazy, and I will try to resume writing several entries a week. If my ads were generating hundred of dollars I would probably be writing every 10 mins, :)

So what exactly does this title refer to? It refers to New York City clearly. Well for those of you that think you have not seen cattle roaming around NYC, I point you toward rush hour and weekend commuting, at any two given staircases. One staircase will have a whole "herd" of people trying to go up it, while the other stair case, perhaps a mere 10-20 feet away will have hardly anyone using it. This may also occur when there are two doors and people slowly wait on line to go through one. I normally walk around and open the second door. I suppose I am less cattle and more fox.

If you ever opened your eyes in Manhattan you will notice everyone has uncontrollable phlegm, so much so that they cannot possibly wait until they get to a bathroom or home to spit it out. The streets and sidewalks of Manhattan have become their personal spittoon. Now don't get me wrong, I have had allergies and bad colds and have felt the urge to clear my throat. I use that same skill I have honed when I am out to eat, sitting through a business meeting, or attending a social function, I deal with it. I do not spit it out. I wonder what these people do in those scenarios. At any rate I will try to remain a non-cattle, non-leaky faucet, adding a rare touch of class to the area...

Impressive...Not Really

2009-10-18T22:38:00.002-04:00

I've recently noticed that dry cleaners have some strange signs on their front windows. For example, almost every dry cleaner I pass by has a sign bragging that, "We Launder Shirts!" Thank God! I was currently splitting my stuff between several dry cleaners. One only laundered pants, one only did coats but not sport jackets, one did suits but not ties, and one only did bow ties which left me up sh*ts creek. Where was I to get my shirts laundered? Luckily I have now found several places! Here's the best part, these places advertise, "shirts on a hanger or folded in a box." Again, what a relief. All the other places would simply just return me dirty shirts rolled into a ball. I always wondered what the point of me bringing them in was.

A CRAP Entry

2009-10-12T20:42:00.005-04:00

I think there should be a new type of music that combines Country-Rock, and Piano. In other words, CRAP music. Technically those can work together. Take country-rock. There is this group called the Old 97’s who did all country. Yet they have this song called "Won’t be Home" that was played on indie rock stations. It’s kinda catchy. Anyway, point is that is country-rock. Throw in a piano, then you’d have CRAP. (Or in the above case...indie crap)

Think about how great that would be. "This music is CRAP." "Yes, it is, how did you know?" "The world has gone to crap." "Well I don't know about the world, but some stations have." See the possibilities? Aren’t acronyms fun? This could be the start of something folks.

Did you know that in the 1950s some DJ from Cleveland came up with the term "Rock n Roll" (thus why the hall of fame is there). Since I reside in NYC, the National Museum of CRAP could be located here!

Right Arm Wrong Arm

2009-10-08T21:53:00.003-04:00

The flu shot. I never really had any sense of urgency to get it. In college there were forms to fill out, long lines and a small fee. Who could be bothered? I had grown up watching my mother get the flu shot year after year (she was a nurse, and if there was a shot, she got it). Each year she would somehow get sick and say something about the "wrong strain."

So for the past few years I've taken my chances without the shot. Part of the reason, though, was that I was sick the past few years each time they came around with the shot. This year I was healthy when my workplace brought in the people to give the shot. I found out all I had to do was fill out a simple one page form that took one minute to do, and that the shot was free of charge. I figured, what the hell, and went to wait on line to get my shot.

I noticed they were injecting everyone in their left arm. I got to thinking, my shot should be in my right arm since I am a lefty. So when I got to the table, I sat sideways on the chair and turned so that they could give me my shot in my right arm. A quick jab, no band-aid and a sleeve roll-down later, I was ready to return to work. I got back down to my computer and started to click through the various files and webpages I needed to review. Then I realized my error of judgment. While I am a lefty, I have always used my mouse with my right hand. I rarely do any handwriting at work. Therefore, every time I clicked the mouse, I felt a little throbbing in my arm. I had forgotten that society had molded me into some ambidextrous tendencies, and that for workday purposes, I should have been a righty at my flu shot.

All I can say is that I better not get the flu this year!

In The Dark There Is No Light

2009-10-05T20:36:00.003-04:00

This past Saturday I went out to a cool restaurant for dinner downtown. Following dinner we went to a lounge for someone's birthday. The lounge (i.e. bar with some dancing space) had a line, but luckily since I was with my fiance and we mentioned the person's birthday, we got right in. Well maybe it wasn't so lucky.

When we walked into the lounge, the first thing I noticed...was...well...nothing. I could not see a damn thing. The lounge was going for that hip feel by having next to no light. Keep in mind, I was coming inside at nighttime, and it took my eyes some time to adjust. When I went into the bathroom, it was so dark, it's quite possible I peed in the sink and washed my hands in the urinal.

I understand that clubs and lounges think it's stylish to dim the lights. However, I think they are now trying to out-dark each other. That bathroom was really ridiculous (I only slightly exaggerated above). Now it's to the point that I am starting to wonder if they are trying to hide something. I cannot wait until this fad is over. Until then, I'll be heading to other places. Who am I kidding, I'll probably just go wherever I'm told we need to go.

Audiobooks, Narrators and Insomnia

2009-10-03T12:17:00.005-04:00

Within the past year I have started to listen to audiobooks quite regularly. It all started when I began going to a sleep clinic to get treated for my insomnia. To make a long story short, the doctor recommended I spend an hour in the dark or low lighting, without my computer or television so that my brain and body start to relax. Apparently the flashing lights on televisions and monitors rile you up. That brought on the obvious question that I asked the doctor, "What exactly am I supposed to do for an hour in the dark." I didn't think jumping into transcendental meditation was going to happen right away, and reading in low-lighting is not very good for the eyes.

The first thing I tried was those mp3's that are supposed ot help you meditate or relax by putting you into a trance (hypnosis). The problem with those mp3's is that they are incredibly creepy. There is odd music playing in the background and some guy talking really soft, and you can swear that the next thing the guy is going to ask is, "Do you want some ice cream little boy?" When it's a woman doing it, it sounds like she is trying to seduce you. Needless to say, neither one is very conducive for relaxing. Additionally, after 20 mins of this nonsense without being in a trance, you want to just flip it to regular music. For the several times I stuck it out, I did not fall asleep with ease afterward...if anything it was harder to fall asleep.

This brought me to audiobooks. At work, all I do is read real tiny print all day, and so when I get home I do not want to read some more. I used to read quite avidly during my summers off when I was a student. Therefore I decided to give the audiobooks a try in that hour. Low and behold, I found they were great. I listened in complete darkness, got drawn into the story thanks to accents and emotions done by the actor/narrator that are far better than the ones I do in my head, if I even remember to picture the accents in my head. Audiobooks added a whole new dynamic to the story. When I notice I can no longer focus on the story or start zoning out, I know it is time to stop and go to sleep. The next day I will just go back 2 or 3 mins from where I left off to catch what I may have missed.

That brings me to my current gripe. I started listening to the Cotton Malone series of books written by Steve Berry. The first book, "The Templar Legacy" was a great book to listen to and I enjoyed the narrator's take on the accents and emotions of each character. I was eagerly anticipating the sequel, "The Alexandria Link" that I am listening to currently. Low and behold, they switched the narrator. There are 4 or 5 repeat characters that now sound different and convey different senses of confidence and urgency. I looked ahead and found out that the other books in the series are all done by this new narrator, and so I will have to get used to it.

Most times, books in the same series, or books done by the same author have the same narrator doing the audiobooks, for the very reason I described above. Now as I get used to this new narrator, I hope they at least stay consistent in any future installments. If the guy wants too much money for the next book, I will gladly step in and do my best impersonation, though I should warn that Australian and English accents, and Scottish and Irish accents tend to blend together in my narrations. As for other accents, I would just have to imitate how someone else did them, and then they would probably somehow sound like an Australian accent. So I guess, I would come cheap...

The Next Great Thing...

2009-09-30T20:42:00.002-04:00

A long time ago in a blog far far away, I wrote an entry talking about great inventions. I mentioned that an award should be given for the man that invented the automatic popcorn cooking button on microwaves:

Next, as I was microwaving my popcorn to watch a movie last night, I realized the guy that invented the popcorn button deserves the Nobel Prize. No more will we have to figure out what in the 2-4 minute range to set our microwave to. We will not have to sit there at the microwave with a stopwatch counting the time between pops. Wait, was it 3 or 4 seconds between pops when we shut ut down…crap I threw out the box! Screw that up and it’s all burned. On the other end if you screw it up you have a bunch of kernels. We all have thought, maybe I can put it back in the microwave. EH! Not a every good idea. You could of course also try to chew on the kernels, but then that hurts the teeth. So in short, or is it long already, thank you Mr. Popcorn Button Inventor Guy. Bud Light should have made him a real American hero/genius. (I was a supermarket deli meat slicer briefly)

I am issuing a request for the next American Hero. Today I was attempting to heat up soup in the microwave, and I noticed it is a royal pain in the ass. You have to constantly open up the door every minute or so to stir. Soup starts bubbling and popping out of the bowl, and yet parts of the soup are still cold. If I was at home I would simply pour the soup in a pot, where it is easy to stir, and heat it that way. Now I am not sure how, but someone needs to invent a soup button on the microwave that someone heats the soup evenly and beeps when it is all done.

So get cracking America...I need a hero.

The Art of the Thank You Card

2009-09-28T22:09:00.002-04:00

The art of the thank you card goes something like this: First sentence: "Thank you very much for you generous (or equivalent word) gift." The last line is "Thanks again." Then the signature. The trick is what to put in between those lines. So I subscribe to the theory of buying a very small thank you card so that you only really have room to write one sentence between those two lines anyway, or two really short ones. Some examples are, "this will come in great use," or a brief little comment on how you enjoyed seeing them as well (if they gave you in person). It gets extra tricky when they did not give you the gift in person since you cannot use that last line. This means that you will have to write extra large a la first grade, I just learned how to write my letters style, or come up with another line. My recommendation is expand on how useful this gift is, such as "This stainless steel spork will come in great use when I cannot decide if it is easier to eat a piece of ice cream cake with a fork or spoon." You can also throw in a "I/We look forward to seeing you soon." Hopefully you have now run out of space on the card. Feel free to practice by thanking me for this entry in the comments section.

The Unpaid Internship

2009-09-22T19:13:00.002-04:00

Is it just me, or did these things not exist back when our parents were going to school. Someone somewhere realized that students would be dumb enough to work for free if you told them "it’ll look good on the ol’ resume." The college/high school internships are the biggest jokes. Let’s face it, if you were really going to be honest, the description would look something like this

XYZ Corp., Intern.
Refilled the water jug everyday. Properly mixed cream and the perfect amount of sugar in coffee. Responded to letters from people with too much time on their hands - letters so unimportant that it was a toss up if a chimp or me would respond to them. Successfully picked up a phone and said hello. Impressively made the copy machine get into a paper jam every day, and then fixed said paper jam. Mailed a bunch of stuff, some of it probably not business-related. Taught superiors how to use the internet. Wrote memoranda which either no one read or someone higher up took credit for. Wrote my own recommendation letter.

Unfortunately these things have caught on and it is extremely hard to get a paying gig as a student these days. With rising education costs, and students having to take out loans to cover the cost, the internship is brutal. I went through them, and eventually found paydirt. Best of luck to any of you working your way through them. At least you will probably get a cake or lunch on your last day...although with the economy the way it is...a cup of hot cocoa from the company's coffee machine.

Healthy Soda

2009-09-18T19:30:00.003-04:00

I was watching TV the other night when a commercial for Cherry 7Up Antioxidant came on. The commercial claimed "With Cherry 7UP Antioxidant you get 100% natural flavors and a splash of antioxidant to help you through your day!" What exactly is a splash of antioxidant? We're constantly told blueberries have tons of antioxidants, green tea has tons, tea in general has tons, cherries themselves have them, etc. etc. I've got to think that any of those are far better and healthier options for antioxidants. Here's the nutrition for this soda from the company's website:

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 8 fl oz (240mL)
Amount Per Serving
Calories 100
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 0g 0%
Sodium 25mg 1%
Total Carb. 26g 9%
Sugars 25g
Protein 0g
Vitamin E 10%

Not a significant source of calories from
fat, sat fat, trans fat, cholesterol, fiber,
vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, or iron.

*Percent Daily Values are based
on a 2,000 calorie diet.

CARBONATED WATER, HIGH
FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND
CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF EACH
OF THE FOLLOWING: CITRIC ACID,
NATURAL FLAVORS, POTASSIUM
BENZOATE (PRESERVATIVE),
VITAMIN E ACETATE, RED 40.

**Contains Antioxidant Vitamin E

So it seems that the antioxidant in this soda is just Vitamin E (only 10% of it) that is in most multivitamins in far greater amounts. With that 10% of Vitamin E, you get 100 calories, 26g of carbs, 25g of which are sugars. It doesn't seem all that healthy now does it? Tea has zero calories, and fruit has tons of other vitamins in it, usually more than 10% of your daily value.

Sodas seriously need to stick to what they do best. They provide caffeine for those that do not like coffee, and in general are a waste of calories that taste quite good, i.e. a liquid snack. They're also great for mixed drinks. What sodas are not...is healthy.

To Green or Not Too Green

2009-09-16T21:26:00.003-04:00

When I was younger I could easily tell you my eyes were green. That's because I didn't yet know that I was red-green color blind. It turns out I am green-eyed...sometimes. I have hazel eyes. Hazel is described as browns and greens in the eye, with usually one being more dominant than the other.

So with that little piece of background out of the way, that brings us to our star of this story...a polo shirt that my fiance bought me to wear to work this summer. This is not any polo shirt. This polo shirt is a Nautica bright green polo shirt (with tiny holes in the underarms for aeration...not really sure what this has to do with the story, but I enjoy them). This shirt is so green, I often get confused with a Parks Department employee.

When I wear this polo shirt a remarkable thing happens. I get an average of 2-3 comments a day from unique people each time stating that the shirt looks really good on me or that I look good in green. Finally the comments drove home to the point, the shirt brings out the green in my eyes. Apparently wearing a bright green causes the viewer to focus more on that color elsewhere and home in on the greens in my eyes. It would be awesome if I could see that :-\

The lesson I learned, being hazel-eyed, is that I can apparently make my eyes brown or green depending on what I am wearing. Since no one really notices I have greenish eyes when I am not wearing green, if I wear anything but green, they are brownish. (I am completely relying on these random comments since I cannot see this phenomenon for myself.) If I wear my Parks Department shirt, they are greenish. Since most studies show that people think green eyes are the "sexiest" (probably because they are rarer than blue), I probably should wear green every day for the rest of my life. Better yet, to save on wardrobe costs, I'll just quit my current job and apply to the Parks Department. I wonder if bad seasonal allergies is a disqualification...

The Pigeon (A Spoof Poem)

2009-09-13T22:44:00.003-04:00

The following is a spoof of Poe's "The Raven" based on a pigeon that was trapped in my apartment building's courtyard while I was studying for my last law school finals in May 2006.

Twas a Sunday
I tried to sleep in
But someone else was up
His day about to begin
Five more minutes
I begged and I pleaded
More sleep please
More sleep is needed
My eyes closed for five minutes more
Quoth the pigeon, "nevermore."

Monday, Tuesday
Came and went
On more studying
I was hellbent
But the flapping, the cooing
Continued past four
Can I please study in peace?
Quoth the pigeon, "nevermore."

One final down
Several to go
Quiet time as I shut my door
Quiet? Relaxation?
The bird continues to soar
Can I take a nice nap?
Quoth the pigeon, "nevermore."

The pigeon in the courtyard
Could not still last
By Thursday surely
‘Twould be in my past
But there he was again
How long can this last?
Surely Mr. Pigeon, this is a chore
Can I please have peace?
Quoth the pigeon, "nevermore."

Of course this means
Soon I may declare war
then the pigeon ’twill be
Nevermore

Always Lock Your Door

2009-09-10T22:26:00.005-04:00

In the theme of drunken stupidity, here is another old story.

During my senior year of college, I lived in an apartment with two roommates (a 3 bedroom). This was in Ithaca, NY so we never thought much about locking the door, and half the time forgot to lock it before going to sleep.

One night while I was having trouble going to sleep and rolling around at 4am, I heard a sound of someone walking down the steps. I then heard our bathroom door open, a flush and then footsteps out. I decided to come out of my room slowly, James Bond style hugging the wall (and I must admit humming the theme in my head), and peering my head around the corner to find some random guy passed out on our living room couch.

I decided to wake up one of my roommates (the other one would be completely useless...he used to jump on top of a chair and point out bugs to me). I pounded on the door and got no response. As a joke, I guess to myself, I then lightly tapped and he shot out of bed. I relayed the events, and I asked what we should so. He suggested I put some pants on and come back. I was in boxers that didn't have a button, and so it was a valid point. We then slowly walked into the living room. My roommate grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen, just like in the television shows. He walks up to the guy and said something to the extent of, "excuse me sir…SIR! what are you doing here?" The kid wakes up, turns out he was in the wrong apartment. He was at a party at a neighboring apartment. He was drunk and passed out on our couch. How much does it suck to wake up hungover with an unshaven guy with a frying pan in his hand yelling at you? It's probably a good "I need to last longer" memory to store up.

Anyway this lead me to fear what may be in our bathroom. Of course there was piss all over the floor. So we’re about to go to bed and we heard footsteps again! He forgot his glasses.

Needless to say we always locked our door thereafter.

The ABCD Affair - A Night of Drunken Revelry

2009-09-08T22:17:00.003-04:00

'Twas the summer of 2004. I had an internship in Newark, NJ, which meant I had to get up at 7am to get there on time. When I came home one Friday night I was exhausted. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening watching some crappy movie when I got the call that four of my friends were minutes from my door…do I want chicken and rice? "Sure, what the hell," I said, I did not have dinner at my place anyway. They showed up with some delicious chicken and rice with white sauce only (the way I prefer), and much to my ultimate chagrin, banana flavored vodka. Yuck! I had had a bad incident with Mandarin Orange vodka in college, and I was afraid if I drank I would fall asleep. I politely passed. Meanwhile they finished off the bottle.

My friends decided we should go to this club up by 10th Avenue or so. So we all start walking there and the alcohol had clearly taken hold of them. What should have been a 15-20 minute walk took 30-40 minutes. We get to this club and have to stand on this long line. Well from now on the four frends will be labeled A, B, C and D for anonymity (and thus the title of this blog). Well friend A just wanders off the line and doesn’t say anything. I say I will get him, but friend B says he has him. So C, D and I are on the line and 20 minutes go by and we are getting closer. So I call B, and B says he tried to give A a hot dog because he was not feeling well. Brilliant plan as I am sure being drunk and nauseous will be cured by a dirty water dog. Apparently A yelled, "NO HOT DOG!" Anyway B lost A. A was now lost on the mean streets of NYC.

B never comes back either and it was time to enter the club. So the three of us enter without B. It turns out to not even be that crowded; the line was there for the sake of having a line. After 30 minutes of nothing interesting happening we decide to leave, still missing A and B. My remaining friends wanted to randomly comb the streets, but I suggested we go back to my place and wait for a phone call and continue to try to call them. (I know...at this point this sounds like one of those horror movies where each friend is slowly getting picked off until ultimately it is down to me, the narrator and I somehow escape until right before the credits come up and a hand rises through the dirt...okay sorry for th tangent, back to the story.) We get back to my place, and now C passes out on my floor and D goes into my bathroom and starts throwing up despite having appeared fine 12 seconds before that. This goes on for two hours until B calls. He was drunk and went back and spent hours in the wrong club wondering where in the hell we were. Great!

B, C and D left my place at about 5am sans A. It was not until the next day that we heard of A’s journey. The story goes as such. A passed out on the street. A door man called for an ambulance. They check his wallet and see two ivy league schools and wonder what the world is coming to. In facts one of the EMTs says this thought out loud. After a few hours of chillin' in the ER, he bounced, took a train and then a taxi home.

Salty Snack Championships

2009-09-04T18:07:00.004-04:00

As much as I enjoy having some name brand advertising, I must conclude the salty snack battle. It's time to move onto some other subjects.

Super Bowl - Potato chips vs. Tortilla Chips vs. Nuts

Potato chips and tortilla chips have the advantage of dip-ability. Both are good with most sort of dips. Nuts have the advantage of coming in all sorts of varieties and being more versatile. So who reigns supreme? With a stunning, absolutely stunning upset, it's nuts. Their ability to quench a snacking need, ease of packing and eating at a variety of places, the snack of choice by all airplane travelers gives them their edge. (For a further breakdown see prior entries)

Toilet Bowl - Cheetos vs. Pretzels vs. Popcorn

Is this even a battle? Popcorn is a snack that is seen everywhere. You'll find it at many snack bars, at work, out for the poker or sports game, in a bar, etc. While the other two are good, popcorn can match them at any level and exceed them at others.

There we have it. Now we can move onto more ridiculous subjects.

Popcorn vs. Tortilla Chips

2009-09-02T21:13:00.004-04:00

So now we arrive at our third and final first round battle of the salty snacks. I've decided to leave it to salty snacks because cookies are so different within themselves, that a cookie battle would be more appropriate (way in the future, I think we need to take a food battle break after this tourney comes to an end).

This is a tough battle. Let's scratch the boring part first. As for the health option, no surprise, they're not healthy, which brings us to the less bad for you battle. New baked tostitos are just ok. They are kind of cracker-like. Popcorn offers a low butter option which isn't nearly as bad for you. While not as good, it can get a snacking job done. Also, my fiance has perfected a delicious way to make popcorn that is not as bad for you. She shakes around kernels in a little bit of oil in a covered pan. She then adds something called "Molly McButter." I have to say, while it is no movie theater popcorn, it is damn good, and far better than any microwaveable option. The edge will go to popcorn here.

The variety factor is another tough call. I remember all those giant holiday popcorn tins where they had caramel, cheese, and regular popcorn. When I was in high school, I babysat a kid that enjoyed chocolate syrup over popcorn (not so good). Tortilla chips come in all different colors, and now they have hint of lime chips which are oddly addicting. Popcorn has a subset called kettle corn which is sweet and salty, tortillas have their salsa. Tortilla chips also form the basis for nachos, a bar snacking favorite. Tortilla chips and guacamole are great too. Edge...tortilla chips.

Overall it must come down to which I would prefer to see when I walked into a bar, someone's party. While I do enjoy snacking on popcorn at work, I think I enjoy snacking on tortilla chips even more.

The next entry will end this nonsense. Salty snacks championship...nuts vs. potato chips vs. tortilla chips. I will also give a "toilet bowl" trophy to the winner of the 3 losers.

Cheese Puffs vs. Nuts

2009-08-31T17:35:00.011-04:00

I decided to settle who should vie for the snack title against potato chips in a tournament of 6. Other smaller snacks that had no chance of winning have been left out of the running (sorry pita chips, sun chips, soy chips, trail mix, veggies and dip, etc.) The first one of the remaining four to be eliminated is an easy call, despite how delicious it is. Cheese puffs (cheese doodles, Cheetos, etc.) must be the first to go.

Besides potato chips and pretzels, nuts are a pretty common snack to have out during a game. Peanuts are one of the quintessential baseball snacks. There's nothing like cracking open a peanut shell, popping the peanuts and tossing the shell. There's something oddly satisfying when you have to do a little work to get to the snack. On top of that, how great are peanuts, almonds, cashews, etc. that are honey roasted? The "nuts for nuts" stands around Manhattan are always a popular draw and a great way to quench a snacking need. Nuts are also a great work snack that won't leave you messy. Coconut is incredibly versatile and can be the source of cakes or delicious chocolate candy bars (i.e. Mounds, Almond Joy). Peanuts are also found in numerous candy bars, and walnuts are a great cookie and ice cream topping. Pecan pie is one of the best pies around. The major drawback of nuts are their really high fat content. However, if we weigh that against their protein yields (i.e. ability to actually get rid of hunger), we can slightly discount that disadvantage.

Cheese puffs taste great. There can be no argument about that. I remember plowing my way through one of those mega containers of Utz cheese balls in one weekend. However, there are two major drawbacks; (1) they are pretty bad for you in those large quantities needed to quench your snacking desires; and (2) the orange mess. Recently they came out with baked cheetohs which address some of the health issues, and they actually taste great still! I would go so far as to say that they are the best of the "baked." However, even baked, they are not all that healthy. The mess makes them impossible to eat at work. It is too much of a risk that you will accidentally touch and stain your shirt, screw up your computer keyboard, etc. Finally, a lesser drawback is that there is no flavor variety. While the shape and crunch factor might change slightly, the flavor is pretty damn close. While I absolutely love snacking on these, I must eliminate them. Nuts just have a lot more going for them. Sorry Chester.

Potato Chips vs. Pretzels - Battle of the Salty Snacks

2009-08-26T21:28:00.003-04:00

I've decided the next few entries should focus on various battles. Today's is potato chips versus pretzels. Both are classic snacks that are sure to be found at any party, sports night, poker game, or barbecue. The question is which one outshines the other.

Dips: Pretzels and potato chips both work well with dips. I have had both with hummus (not to be confused with humus, which is soil), sour cream and onion dip, and ranch dip. They both work nicely with dip, we can call them even there.

Flavor: Potato chips now come baked, kettle cooked, sour cream and onion, cheddar flavored, sea salt and vinegar, etc. Pretzels come pretty much the same always...regular, sourdough, and I have seen some with onion flavoring. Overall the edge goes to potato chips for having more options, i.e. flavors besides salt.

Variety: Potato chips have pretty much been the same shape from the dawn of time. The major innovation was the ridge. Pretzels come in sticks, braids, knots, waffle shaped, big and fluffy breads served hot with mustard, yogurt covered and chocolate covered. It is harder to get bored of pretzels than potato chips...Advantage, pretzels.

Ease of Eating: Until baked potato chips, eating a bag of potato chips was kind of annoying. Your hand would come out completely oily. Pretzels never had that issue. You could stick your hand in a bowl or bag of pretzels and not feel grimy. Advantage - pretzel

Nutrition: Neither is very nutritious...I mean they are snacks after all. A big warm pretzel is pretty terrible for you. However, the other pretzels aren't as bad as regular potato chips. Chocolate covered pretzels would be worse than many potato chips. Potato chips have the new innovations of baked and kettle cooked which have lower fat. I am not counting olestra potato chips because those just destroy peoples' digestive systems. As a whole we'll call it even.

Cravings: I personally find that when I am craving a salty snack, potato chips do a better job of quenching that craving.

As a Side: With a nice deli sandwich, or a grilled cheese, potato chips would definitely be the preferred snack.

Final: Potato chips squeak out a win in a very close battle.

I'm sure I'll get comments (when people start reading this blog) disagreeing and calling me a fool. Just know you're wrong.

Birthday Nuggets

2009-08-25T00:40:00.004-04:00

With my birthday having just passed, I'd like to share a few random things I picked up along the way to 28.

*If you want to seem smart, know a little bit about a lot of things (this will be a running theme)

*Tilapia does not smell really fishy. Scallops will stink up your entire apartment. You can throw out the garbage, the apartment will still stink. Cook scallops at your own risk.

*If a law student gets a juris doctorate or doctor of jurisprudence (J.D.) when he/she graduates, why is a lawyer referred to as esquire and not doctor?

*If you read Fortune magazine religiously, you can survive most networking settings. (see first nugget again)

*Brett Favre will take the Vikings to within one game of the playoffs. It will be a must win. There will be 2 or 3 minutes left in the game and the Vikings will be down by 7 or less. Favre will throw an interception. Favre will then retire again. The Seattle Seahawks will sign him. Favre will pull a hamstring and go out and miss the rest of the season, glory days all but forgotten. Brett Favre will then sign on to sponsure Ensure.

*If you use the terms "oaky," "smooth," "dry," "acidic," and "tannin" when referring to a glass of red, you can trick people into thinking you really know what you are doing when the waiter has you undergo the wine-tasting ceremony before pouring for everyone else. If all else fails, smile, nod your head and say, "it's good." Do not gulp under any circumstances.

*If I wrote a piece critical of Governor David Patterson (NY), he would call me a racist. Glenn Beck would then call David Patterson a racist. A PR cat-fight would then ensue. I better not write anything critical.

Until next year dear readers.

Leap Year B-day Blues

2009-08-23T23:49:00.002-04:00

With my birthday minutes away, I realized I've been hosed. In 2007, my birthday was on a Friday. Then leap year came, and last year my birthday was on a Sunday, and now it is on a Monday. I missed a prime birthday day, and now I am stuck with the dreaded Monday birthday. At least next time around leap year will be my friend (see below). Too bad I'll be in my 30's then!

2010 - tuesday
2011 - weds
2012 (leap year) - Fri
2013 - sat

Phoning It In

2009-08-20T22:39:00.004-04:00

On March 13, 1964, Kitty Genovese would spend her last day on this Earth. Her life would come to an abrupt end at the age of 28. Near her home in Kew Gardens early that morning and near several apartment buildings, Kitty was attacked by a man and stabbed. She cried out she had been stabbed. A tenant of one of the apartments yelled down to the attacker to leave her alone. The would-be killer shrugged and walked off. Kitty struggled to her feet, the assailant returned and stabbed her again. She screamed she was dying. Windows opened and lights turned on in many apartments. This time the assailant left and drove away. Kitty crawled behind one of the buildings. The killer returned eventually to check on her. When he saw her slumped by the stairs he went in and finished the job. An ambulance came at 4:25am to take her body away.

Here are the facts that I left out. The initial stab occurred at around 3:20am. When the killer returned for the second tab, it was about 3:35am. The police were first called at 3:50am! It was estimated that 38 people watched these events occurring all assuming that someone else was going to call the police. Some went back to bed! (Source: See: http://www2.selu.edu/Academics/Faculty/scraig/gansberg.html which has the NY Times article from March 27, 1964 my Martin Gansberg).

This bring us to Saturday August 15, 2009. Jason steps in his shower. The hot water is not coming on. It takes 10 minutes before the hot water emerges. The hot water lasts 1-2 minutes at a time and then goes cold again. Jason must wash his hair, step back, then do his face, then his body, timing it for when the warm water will return. A misstep could be fatal...okay just really uncomfortable. This goes on Sunday August 16, and finally on the morning of August 17, realizing this is not a fluke, Jason calls his super. Jason is the first person to call his super about this problem. On Monday evening, Jason and his fiance run into neighbors. They complain about the water. When asked if they called, they respond, "No." Now it is going on Friday the 21st. The water is still not heating properly. Jason will probably have to call again.

Admittedly, this is not murder we are talking about. However, the same waiting and hesitation still exists today. Hell, it took me two days to call!

I Give Up Mike!

2009-08-19T22:20:00.003-04:00

Mayor Bloomberg, here is my white flag. Every day my mailbox is flooded with two (my fiance and I each get our very own) pamphlets or postcards touting a specific plan you have to improve an aspect of life in NYC, or simply praising your prior efforts on behalf of the City. I am at the point where if I am willing to sign a contract to vote for you if you will please give my mailbox a break. This has been going on since as early as April!

The odd thing is that you always seem to be pushing "green" initiatives. You wanted to charge cars coming into the city to reduce traffic. You pushed forth an initiative to put solar panels on tops of buildings. I think you should next consider an initiative to save the trees. Seeing as you have ads all over television and other media, I think you could save some trees and avoid mailing me 100 pamphlets. The only way I could reconcile this is if you were trying to get me to recycle more, as I currently take a trip down to the recycling bin each time I check my mail and glance your name on a pamphlet.

Well that was my concession speech Mike. Hopefully you take some of these words to heart.

Hurricane Bill

2009-08-18T22:19:00.003-04:00

Hurricane Bill is developing in the Atlantic. Hurricane Bill...I just can't take it seriously. To me, Bill is not a hurricane, Bill is a goof. Why? My old roommate and one of my oldest friends is named Bill. If I saw a headline that said Hurricane Bill kills thousands, I'd probably react by thinking,"Bill, no way!" Bill would probably get drunk somewhere in the ocean, forget he had plans with the land, and pass out somwhere in the Bermuda Triangle. Bill, my friends, is no killer.

That being said, I'm a little bit jealous I don't have my own hurricane. It would be a pretty easy hurricane to handle. The hurricane would be so busy contemplating things it would split up and go into five or six different directions, with a bunch of people wondering where exactly is the hurricane...what is the point of this storm. Hmm...what was I writing about again?

Sales Techniques 101

2009-08-16T12:19:00.000-04:00

1) I was in a framing shop looking at frames for my degrees. The guy suggested matting and some frames. When the guy went to tally up the prices, he told me he was having a slow day, and so he would give me this 50% off coupon code he was not supposed to give me. My grand total with the supposed 50% off…$317. Somehow I doubt that anyone pays $634 to frame two degrees. I’ll call this one the invisible coupon…the discount nobody has except the store.

2) Similarly related is the "constant sale." Items have these fake regular prices put on them, but somehow 7 days a week there is some sort of discount that you can take on them. There is no sale…the fake price is too high to begin with.

3) Next up is coming up with "retail price" and then listing "our price" beneath it. Again the "retail price" is way higher than anyone would spend, making the easily susceptible think they’re getting a great bargain.

4) One of the dumbest phrases is "the more you buy, the more you save." NFL Shop has sent this to me in my email before. While you may be taking discounts if I buy more than one, chances are I only need one. The more I buy…THE MORE I SPEND.

5) Gym initiation fees are another one of those ridiculous techniques. Why, you ask? I’ll tell you. You are getting no discount on the monthly fee. Instead they invent some "regular" initiation fee to join the gym that no one has ever paid in the history of the company, and then tell you for the next week only, next month only, or sometimes, TODAY ONLY (holy crap, hurry), you can join for only $29 for initiation instead of the "regular" $99. Meanwhile most people either get the fee waived or only pay that price to begin with.

6) I’ll finish up with one that is near and dear to me. This is mainly because back when I was in high school, I worked at a Kmart. You advertise these great sales on items, and only stock five of that item or some other absurd amount. For the next 6 and three quarter days you have to constantly tell people you are out of the item. Most people will not think to ask for a raincheck. The store accomplishes getting you into it, hoping you’ll purchase something else. Also, those items that were rainchecked…they may not come in for six weeks, leaving many forgetting they even have the raincheck or having lost that slip of paper.

Button Pushing

2009-08-14T00:06:00.000-04:00

Perhaps this scenario has happened to you when waiting for for an elevator. I get to the elevator bank and hit the button. I then wait…a minute goes by. Someone else comes to the elevator bank I am at and the proceeds to wait for 15 seconds. Apparently I did not hit the button well enough because he goes over and proceeds to hit the very same elevator button which is already lit. Another 5 seconds go by. Clearly his hit must not have registered….the elevators are ignoring him. He then proceeds to hit the button another 22 times. Nothing. A deep breath and another 23 hits later the elevator appears…clearly due to his persistence. What would I have done if he never came along? I might have been stuck there all day.

I'm Banking on a Repeat

2009-08-10T22:16:00.000-04:00

The one thing history proves is that, despite what your mom may have told you, people don't learn from mistakes. Humanity seems to have a vicious cycle of doing the same stupid things over and over again. The person may have a different name, facial hair, group he/she hates, but it sure as hell is going to happen again. After World War II we said never again to mass genocides. There seems to be a major one in Africa every five years, and with the current one, the only people that seem to care are George Clooney and some mass emailing group.

But I digress. Our current economic problem, in its most overly simplified form, stemmed from banks making loans to people that didn't have enough savings. When the economy tanked, and their property value declined and they could not use it as collateral, they defaulted on their homes and other loans. With mortgages that went bad, fire sales occurred, and banks lost lots of money. The banks stopped lending, businesses couldn't get favorable loans and couldn't grow, people lost jobs, the stock market tanked because everyone feared everything was going to go out of business...(i told you...overly simplified summary).

Then came the infamous bailout. We gave banks money and months later, in Congressional hearings, the congressmen blasted the banks for not loaning the money out to people. We wanted them to make loans to everyone. The banks were evil, and hey, those 5 seconds on CNN or CSPAN make you sound great when you are slaying the dragon known as AIG or Citi. The problem is, if you remembered from the prior paragraph, this problem started because the banks carelessly loaned money to everyone. It hadn't been 6 months since Lehman's collapse, and here were congressmen encouraging the banks to engage in the same behavior that created the problem. On top of that, if you got bailout money, you couldn't pay your successful employees bonuses. Therefore the successful employees will leave those companies for ones without bailout money, leaving behind the lackluster employees who will probably make the same stupid loans again!

Now I know it wasn't just the banks and the housing crisis that created the recession, but it certainly was the catalyst. It appears we have learned very little or our memories are very short. I think it is the latter. I think we learn things, but that we forget them too easily when times are good. We're already talking about how stocks traded two years ago and how they have room to grow to their old multiples. A few months ago, I thought stocks were too expensive a couple of years ago and had to come back to reality to create fairer valuations. Damn me and my memory.

We play the odds, it won't happen again, right? Just to my kids...ah well, their problem. And now I won't have social security...

Never Close the Bathroom Door When Home Alone

2009-08-07T19:57:00.000-04:00

I happened to have a great schedule my senior year of college (way back in 2003). I had Mondays and Fridays off and all my classes started at 10 or later. This meant no problem getting into the bathroom because my roommates had earlier classes. No problem at all. Now getting out...

I had just gotten out of a hot steaming shower. I had closed the door to the bathroom obviously. All I had on me was my towel because my bedroom was right across from the bathroom and everyone was gone anyway. I dry off and go to the turn the door…nothing! It won’t open! I’m turning the knob with all my might…nothing. No screwdrivers or hammers in the bathroom. hmm. Well one of my roommates normally had come back for lunch at 12 or so, so only like 30 mins for me to kill I figure. Well time goes by…and it becomes apparent he is not coming back for lunch today. I now decide to try to punch a whole in the door. OW! Not like in the movies. It hurt. I decide breaking my hand is not a good idea. I then try tearing the door down, again to no avail.

Well I decide I might as well be productive. I start cleaning the bathroom with some cleaner in there. Great idea, right? EH! It had bleach. So there I am in a hot steamy room armed with nothing but a towel, some paper towel and bleach. So now I am choking on bleach waiting for someone to come home, singing the greatest hits from 1500 to the present.

Finally my roommate comes in and I explain it to him. He breaks out his tool kit and he takes off the knob on the other side of the door and nothing. He has to call maintenance. While explaining the problem you can hear them laughing on the other side. So they come and I finally escape after like 4 hours. Of course I come out in nothing but a towel as they open the door.

To this day if I am by myself I will either bring a phone into the bathroom or leave the door slightly ajar.

Intro

2009-08-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

I have thoughts...many of them I might add. I have brilliant ideas that occur constantly, so much so, that my mind, often times, cannot be bothered with idle chatter. You might notice me "checking out" while you are talking to me. Don't take it offensively, just thinking, it's what I do.

I've come up with many ideas, some I think are brilliant and would help society out big time, some silly, and would help, well...at least myself.

Some plans I have for this blog include serializing a short story, sharing my thoughts on something ridiculous I observed during the day, proving that city people are cattle, ideas to make shopping fun for men, and much more. I look forward to sharing my racing mind with you.